God's Desires or Society's Expectations?

Lately, I've heard of a lot of girls who feel stuck in a world where they don't fit in. And up until a few months ago, I could sympathize but I couldn't understand it because I had never dealt with it myself. But now, I've realized that I don't necessarily fit the mold and I won't lie, it hurts sometimes. I'm lonely sometimes. I wish I could fit in better sometimes. Let me be clear on this before I continue - I'm surrounded by a lot of lovely people. I'm in no way better than any of them, in all honesty, I feel like I fall behind so many of them when it comes to my spiritual walk. But I do know this - my desires, my hopes for the future, my convictions, my morals, my way of living...it's very different from the people my age that I'm around. I look around at these wonderful people and I wish that I could fit in better. I wish that I fit that mold better, but then, God reminds me that He made me who I am for a reason. He is the one convicted me and urging me to live differently, so that's what I'll do. It's all about Him, not myself.

I want to marry young. As young as God will allow, quite honestly. I have dedicated this time of my life to God, and I have promised that I will wait for as long as He wants, even if that means I will never marry, but yes, I pray that God brings me someone sooner rather than later. I know that I want to be a wife, most likely a mother eventually. I want to court in the most conservative way you could basically imagine - chaperones, no kissing until we're at the alter, no frontal hugs or hand holding until engagement, obviously no sex before marriage. I want to marry a man who will be the head of my house. I don't want a man who treats me like "just one of the guys" because that seems to be a trend that's becoming really popular nowadays. I'm a woman, a lady, and I do want to be treated as such. I want to live on a tiny farm, in a cute little house, I want to have a conservative home and I want my future children, if God blesses me with them, to grow up in a home that isn't centered around worldly things (television, phones, parties, etc) but around God things. I never really had a desire to go out and play and hang out, I want to spend this time of my life, this sacred singleness, my older teenage years, to bring myself closer to God, make myself into the proper homemaker that I believe He wants me to become, and ready myself for my future.

I don't like the trends that are popular in my generation - I don't like much contemporary music, whether it be considered praise & worship or not. I don't like skinny jeans or this whole metrosexual trend that make men into basically women. (Men, dress like men and act like a man. You aren't a woman.) I don't like those things. And yes, my different taste separates me from a lot of people. 

I am in no way better or worse than anyone, but I was raised differently than a lot of people. I am different, and that's fine. I've decided to follow God's desires instead of society's expectations, and yes, I fail Him daily. There's not a day that goes by that I wonder why on earth God still wants me or loves me.

I choose my horse over a boyfriend.
I choose my farm life over a fancy house.
I choose my heart (It belongs to God) over dating around.
I choose my morals over anyone's expectations of me.
I choose my convictions over what everyone else is doing.

 

 Yes, I turn down a lot of "fun" opportunities. I actually made the choice not to do or attend a few different things in the last 2 years, not because I believe that they are overall just sinful things or because I think that anyone who chooses differently than myself are even sinning in the process, but because I feel like I don't fit in at all in so many of the crowds. I can't help but feel like I'm alone sometimes, and yes, it can get disappointing. I make my own choices based on what God wants me to do (most of the time, I've made a lot of mistakes along the way.) and I still feel stares of others on my back, wondering why I choose not to do things with the crowd. I get teased endlessly for bragging on my horse or riding a lot or posting pictures of him, but that's my passion. Yet if I were to be posting nonstop about, let's say my boyfriend who is non-existent, I wouldn't get a single weird stare or comment. Because that? That is "normal."

I watch young Christian teens like myself start smoking or drinking or even doing drugs, I see them date a huge amount of people, off and on, all the time. I see them start slipping from God, I see them doing so many things that I don't understand, but the moment one of them stands up for Christ, even though so many of their friends disagree? They get stared at like they've suddenly grown two heads.

I suppose I'm ranting and I've babbled on way more than I planned, but I'm tired of youth being allowed to run around like crazy and call things Christian and yes, I'm tired of people (older Christian's) not standing up and YELLING and PROTECTING OUR YOUNG PEOPLE. Don't just shy away.

HELP. US. We need the help, I swear! Stand up even though we may not like it, we need guidance. We don't need more retreats or new music or parties, we need Jesus. We need Bible. We need convictions.

Sincerely, a young Christian person.