Goodbye, 2014! (part 2 of New Years post)

It was my intention to say farewell to 2014 with one, simple blog post, but then I realized that one post simply would not do. There were so many good memories in this year, many blessings in disguise, many tears shed (but for good, in the end) and frankly, even though I'm eager to say goodbye to 2014 and begin another chapter...I feel the need to write one more page before saying goodbye.

*also I was waiting for a chance to add in The Sound of Music video you'll see below...

So, I'm pleased to share with you, the good, the bad and the....well, that's it. The good and bad.

The Good-

friendship. 'nuff said.

This year and the stress it's brought has brought me down a lot and without these lovely people (+some) I don't know what I would've done. They made 2014 fun, hilarious and crazy. They've helped me in my journey with Christ even though miles separate us. These are my soul sista's.

 me kicking lydia's knee//meeting grace for the first time ever//seeing my beloved "georgia" aka hannah...and of course, photoshopped emi along with her two horses evi and pj, and bruce wayne and I for good measure. since we haven't met yet, this is as good as we get. ;) no real pictures....yet.

I also cut my hair off...like, all of it.

 fun fact: this was a total spur of a moment thing. had a night out with mom and she said, "oh hey, there's a salon." let's just say I walked in with waist length hair and came out feeling like I'd lost 10 pounds.

I laughed so hard I cried during terrible nights. my friends<yours.

 texts with emi that proved i'm bad at insults//facetiming brenna in which her earbuds won't get out of the camera//texts with hannah where i show that I don't know the difference between a car and a bathtub//texts with two crazy sisters (lydia killed my phone. true story.)

I had 3 girl nights out..which never happens.

shopping with mom and sister//christmas outing with mom, sister-in-law and niece//shopping+dinner with mom and olaf.

You're probably wondering...what about the bad? Well...I'm a firm believer in something - that nothing happens by coincidence or just because. I believe that even the bad times are there for a reason, to make us stronger and sometimes, to make us weak enough to show our weakness to God and cry out for help. As much as I'd love to just forget the bad times some days, I know that they were there for a reason and just as important as the good. I won't make cutesy collages for these, so be prepared for some writing.

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things."

 This year, my (birth)father has gotten sicker and sicker with his drug addiction. I was told, by him, one night that he had heart failure. Whether that is true or not, I don't know. I've never had a relationship with him, not really, but it crushed me all the same. We went through an argument in which he talked to me in a very mean way, and I gave him two options - he either goes to rehab or he loses a daughter. He did not choose rehab, and I've forced myself to step away. I've spent many sleepless nights crying over this and I've spent many hours praying and talking to people about this. This has taken the cake on the hardest thing I've gone through in 2014...in my life, really. Making the decision to stay away because I know if I don't, it'll break my heart and crush me in the long run.

We've gone through struggles involving my niece and her parents, prayed so hard about that situation. It still isn't resolved, but I do have more of a peace about it. I've watched my brother struggle through things and yeah, it's put a strain on our relationship but I've tried to let go. I'm not perfect and it's something I've gotta keep working on. I've been hurt so badly by this part of the family so many times. These struggles have taught me to be more forgiving, but not to let myself just get run over.

"We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe."

We lost our rescue horse, Shalom. This was one of the most difficult things I will ever go through. Shalom was a fighter and taught me so much - patience, love, understanding, selflessness, humbleness. And he continues to teach me. He taught me how to live, like I only have today. He taught me how to appreciate everything I have today because we're never guaranteed a tomorrow. He was a war horse, a true soldier. And yes, I'm tearing up just writing this. It's not something anyone can understand unless they've had horses. It was just heartbreaking. Utterly heartbreaking. 

I've lost friends and I've been bullied for my faith. Before 2014, I didn't really know what the cost of faith is. And honestly, I don't even know the half of it now. I don't know what it's like to be killed for God, or be threatened and stalked and terrified. That's something I pray I never truly know. But I do know now, how it feels to be so confused on why God allows Christian's to go through so much hate. But I've risen above it with God. I'll miss the friends I lose, but I know I'll never lose Christ Jesus.

"When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home."

In the year of 2014, everyone has faces struggles. I guarantee that everyone who reads this will find something that they have in common with me, and possibly even have more terrible times behind them. Everyone has faced difficulties, and 2015 will be no different in many ways. We'll be faced with trials, we'll cry, we'll fall to our knees and ask God, "Why?" and I pray that we all learn from those trials and use them to grow closer to God.

"Because what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

And with that...the Von Trapp kids say goodbye to 2014!